Monday, January 30, 2006

Parody News Article of the Week

Bush to Skip State of the Union

White House: Will Focus on Shredding the Constitution Instead

Washington(THC)-The White House has announced that President George W. Bush will skip tommorrow night's annual State of the Union address in an effort to keep with current Administration plans to "shred the Constitution"

"It became clear to us that we should do more than simply focus on the Bill of Rights," said White House Press Secratary Scott McCellan. "The feeling among many of the President's advisers was that we needed to discard as many Constitutional provisions as possible. This one was seen as fairly important because the last thing you want in a facist regime is a leader revealing information on the state of the country."

The U.S. Constitution requires the President to address Congress as to "information of the State of the Union." McCellan indicated that since the White House was already destroying so many other portions of the nation's founding document Bush decided to ignore the requirement. Bush advisers hopes this will hasten the decline of the United States into a corporation-run facist regime bent on oil conquest, subjagting minorities, and killing puppies.

"The President has made it clear that we should not rest until each and every Constitutional provision is stricken down in favor of what his father referred to as the 'new world order.'" McCellan said.

Opponents of President Bush, who have long been critical of the Administration on issues such as the Patriot Act and the recently exposed NSA domestic spying program, were alarmed at this particularly radical move by Bush officials.

"This is just another stunning example of the Bush Crime Family's repeated crimes against the US Constitution and the American people - crimes that are dissolving this nation's 230-year-old attempt at self-government." said Air America Radio personality Mike Malloy.*

In the Senate, Democrats also cited the nomination and inevtiable confirmation of appeals court judge Samuel Alito as clear evidence that Constitutional rights such as "the right to an abortion" and "the right to filibuster judicial nominees" were under direct assault from conservatives. Bush officials brushed aside such criticism saying their overall plan called for the revocation of non-existent Constitutional rights first which should make discarding the actual written ones a little easier. As for the nomination of Alito, one high ranking Bush adviser pointed to the liberal model for jurisprudence.

"If we learned anything at all from the Democrats, it is that the courts really make destroying a 217 year old document much easier to accomplish. Besides there is only so much Congress is willing to do on its own."

As for the usual opposition response, network presidents have offered the full two hours to the Democrats. Party officials gave early indications that Sens John Kerry, Joseph Biden, and Hillary Clinton have accepted the offer and will engage in a spirited effort to outflank each other as they attempt to kowtow to the far left fringe of their party.

*Actual quote from Air America website just to show that the truth is sometimes stranger than fiction(or fits right in).

Copyright, 2006

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