Friday, February 10, 2006

If Christians Were Like Muslim Extremists

The recent riots on the Muslim world got me thinking about what it would be like if Christians in America engaged in the same kind of behavior every time the American media offends us. Here are some of the ways churches would be different:

Announcements in the Weekly Bulletin

The Men's Fellowship will be rioting this Saturday, Feb 11th beginning at 10 AM to protest the portrayal of rapper Kanye West as Jesus on the cover of Rolling Stone magazine. Men are reminded to dress in black and wear ski masks if possible. Anyone interested in helping make signs for the riot should meet at the church Friday, Feb 10th at 7 PM. Please bring large magic markers, signs will be provided.

Tired of appeasing the insults from pagans in our culture? Are you ready to stand up and be counted as a young follower of Christ? Sign up now for Youth Riot 2006. Join hundreds of area youth as they come together for a time of worshipping God and striking fear in the heart of unbelievers who dare blaspheme the name of God. Registration fee for the event is $100.00 and includes all meals, a free torch, a protest sign, ski mask, and commerative Youth Riot bandana. Check-in begins at 7 PM Friday evening followed by a time of worship. Rioting will begin promptly on Saturday morning and run through Sunday afternoon. Registration forms and permission slips available in the church office.

The Church Evangelism team will be going door to door Saturday morning in an effort to share the Gospel of Jesus Christ. We are looking for some strong individuals who will serve as "enforcers" in the event those people we meet do not accept our message. All enforcers must be prepared to severely beat any person who rejects the Gospel. We also looking for a few volunteers to provide donuts and coffee. Please contact the church office if you are interested.

Church Committees

Riot Committee-Coordinates all rioting activity and makes the ultimate decision on which issues require a full scale riot and which ones merely require token threats and violence directed at the perpetrator of the offense.

Protest Logistics Committee-This commitee handles all logistical details of any protest activities such as making signs, preparing torches, mapping our march routes, purchasing clothing, and creating police diversions to enable rioters to achieve the maximum level of destruction.

Propaganda Committee-Addresses all media questions and issues statements and pictures intended to foment current riot operations. Committee members should have only a partial understanding of theology and Biblical text.

Sermon and Bible Study Topics

Love One Another, Hate Everyone Else

Freedom in Christ, Pagans in Fear

Striking the Fear of God into Others

Evangelism by Submission

God's Word is the Only Free Speech

The Wages of Sin are Death, Especially for the Pagans

The Rioter's Prayer

Of course this is an attempt at humor on my part. The truth of the Christian walk is one of obedience to God and while we defend the truth of Christ to the very last breath of our physical body, we will not take anyone elses life in the process.

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